When I grow up I want to be me . . .
When I grow up I want to be me
The best me you ever did see
So my work must always be
To keep me free.
When my kids were young, this was one of their favorite songs. They loved it. They’d sing it over and over, twirling gleefully around in the kitchen or galloping through the meadow outside our house, singing at the top of their lungs. The surrounding forest echoed with their voices until the deer emerged from the trees, drawn by the sound of childish delight.
The song always ended the same way-my boys would collapse, giggling, in a heap on the ground, flailing their arms and kicking their legs and bellowing: That’s what it takes to be free!
In our hearts, we know this: We need to be who we are, as surely as we need food or water or air. If we are to live our own lives, ones shaped by values that flow from our own hearts, we must be free to feel what we feel. To know ourselves fully, and to live by our inner guidance.
Freedom, like all spiritual qualities, requires a container to hold it. To give it shape and form. True freedom is shaped by those boundaries and limits that we choose for ourselves. Because they feel right, organic, real and necessary. Because those boundaries help us to be truly ourselves.
To live our own lives, we must be able to stand in an inner truth. Say Yes to what we truly want, and a clear No to anything that takes us away from ourselves.
Not with resistance and anger, but out of love for ourselves, and love for the hearts of those people or places or situations that we say No to.
When we say Yes to people’s hearts, and No to those behaviors that injure their hearts, we serve both ourselves and them more truly.
When my kids were small, I said Yes to anything that seemed to be guided by their souls, even if I didn’t understand it. This often meant that they’d eat the same thing for weeks on end because that’s what their bodies wanted. They ran around like wild things playing in the forest around our home all day. And sometimes one or the other of them would spend hours or days daydreaming, reading, playing, or doing whatever his heart desired, in solitude.
However: On those rare occasions when we left the little island we lived on and went into town, I said No a lot more. No to running out in traffic (which they weren’t used to because there wasn’t any traffic on our island). And No to many of the shiny things that caught their eyes when we were out shopping, because it wasn’t their soul that longed for these things.
Those moments of No created a safe container so that when we returned home, my boys were still grounded, and happy, and being themselves. They weren’t strung out from running after things that didn’t nourish their hearts, and they weren’t injured from running out into traffic.
They grew up knowing themselves and the world around them deeply enough to choose their own Yeses and Nos. Today, they’re beautiful young men: kind, intuitive, compassionate, creative, loving, and independent. They’re not intimidated by authority or bent out of shape by circumstance-at least, not for long. They have an abiding faith in themselves, and in their inner knowing.
Our lives are precious. They are gifts from the Divine, and we are responsible for them above all else. My heart is happy when I say Yes to what nourishes my life, and No to that which doesn’t.
How about you? What do you say Yes to? What do you say No to? How do you feel about these choices?
My newsletter subscribers are the first to hear about upcoming classes and programs. From time to time, I also send them special invitations, gifts and offers that are exclusive to my list. To subscribe, please fill out the form below.
Follow me on Twitter
Friend me on Facebook
Get blog updates by email
Get blog updates by RSS
Contact me
What a peaceful and free feeling your story gives me. My boys have guided me in a similar way. I trust their inner knowing, and I trust my own in following their lead. The honesty in that feels like bliss! There’s nothing better than relating soul-to-soul to my children. Thanks for sharing…
That’s just beautiful. Thank you!!
And thanks for the reminder!
All the best!
deb
Deb Owen´s last blog post..nobody expects the spanish inquisition (releasing expectations)
Hi Hiro! I loved this so- and it made me nostalgic for my boys and that earlier innocence and purity of being. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing the sense of holding our children’s deepest and most precious selves.
My boys, now teenagers, are still in the process of becoming. Many days I see their souls shining through, others I hear their grumpy personalities or egos masking the rest.
Your article felt so satisfying on every level, beautiful as always.
Love and xox-
Lisa
http://www.IntuitiveBody.com
Lisa Claudia Briggs´s last blog post..Getting Unstuck Has Never Been Easier!
You have a beautiful presence, Hiro, and through this article I saw how that worked while raising the kids. It is awesome how gifted you are at expressing that wisdom in a way that is so palpable.
I have learned more about this as I’ve gotten older. I didn’t have that type of presence with my own kids as they were growing up. I got caught up in the material world and really felt that to be a good mom, I needed to give them material things as I felt so inwardly depleted. I didn’t know how to restore myself.
It’s never too late to awaken from this slumber, though. And I feel that every day as I become more in touch with what’s truly meaningful and satisfying and say no to those things that aren’t, I feel more blessed to have the gift of life.
Thank you for sharing this and brightening my day.
Hiro,
Thank you for these divinely timed words of wisdom. As I enter into summer with my 8-year-old daughter Grace I appreciated the reminder of holding the space for allowing authentic yesses and nos for her — and for myself. I am a beginner in some arenas with being free and clear with my yesses and my nos and I appreciate the reminder of the gifts a heartfelt yes can bring.
love and light,
Shannon
Shannon´s last blog post..Monday Musings: Opening Up to a New Week
Uh-oh, mother envy!
This is something that I am coming very late to – but having just become a freelancer, I’m starting to trust my instincts on why I need to go and garden and when I need to change task, breaking the day up so I don’t burn out. As I write all day for pleasure, to earn money and to fulfil a dream, I have to manage myself well.
After reading this, I’ll aspire to doing that in the way you managed the boundaries for your boys.
Emma Newman´s last blog post..Confession
Wow – this is beautiful. And exactly what I needed today as I step bigger and bigger into “me.”
I’m the same way with my 7 year old… YES – to things that nourish her soul. It’s amazing what she’s attracted to, and how she knows exactly where she fits and what she wants.
And it’s fun to watch the opening that happens when you follow your heart and soul ;)
Jenn Givler´s last blog post..The Naggy Second Guesser
Dana, lovely that you and your boys can be yourselves together.
Deb, thank you!
Char, yes, it’s never too late–coming to this discovery at any age is a blessing. Also, great fun. Enjoy!
Shannon, much love to you as you clarify your Yes and your No.
Emma: working for ourselves offers so many opportunities to find and to follow inner guidance. Writing sings when it’s in your own voice. I’ll look forward to reading more of your work.
Lisa: Big hug and love to you and your boys.
Jenn: Our kids sure show us how to be real, don’t they?
Hiro Boga´s last blog post..When I grow up I want to be me . . .