Feels so freeing!

Great follow up questions and answers too X
.-= Rebecca Leigh´s last post … Confession time: I’m giving up on being a know-it-all =-.

Thanks. Must ponder more.
.-= JoVE´s last post … It’s not how much you publish =-.

So now I get to ask myself, in any situation, “What is the gift here? Do I want to choose to receive it?” Such a powerful question.

Thank you for the gift of your words, and the thoughts that went into creating them.
.-= Wendy Cholbi´s last post … When to delete vs. when to archive (Heart-Centered Tech Tip) =-.

Thank you for teaching a whole new way to look at these difficult relationships.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Hedgehogs, Dancers and What Ifs =-.

What an amazing post. And your timing! Thank you from my deepest self. But then, maybe we always have a Difficult Person helping us learn and grow so the timing for your ideas is eternally ripe.
.-= Laurie Foley´s last post … In Praise of a Small Palette =-.

Thank you!
.-= Lucy Viret´s last post … What if… =-.

You can begin by asking the part of you that’s squirmy and feeling awful, “Hey, sweetheart, what do you need right now?”

So if part of you is feeling guilty for saying No, or is scared that your husband will no longer love you if you don’t play along, then you may need reassurance, love, permission, safety.

These are all qualities of your inner being. You can ask your Self to fill your heart with these qualities. As you meet your need, the anxiety will soften and dissipate a little.

By meeting yourself where you are, with kindness, compassion and love, you’ll begin to build an inner sense of trust and safety. That will give you a foundation for a more honest, loving relationship with your husband.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … What happens to a gift you refuse to accept? =-.

How you say No to the hurt that’s being handed to you will depend on the situation, on your relationship with the other person, and on what you need to do to remain true to yourself.

So your “No, thank you” might begin as a simple question, checking with your Difficult Person to see if your perception of what they’ve said is what they intended. Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed to open a healing conversation and to clear up a misunderstanding.

If, on the other hand, you’ve used your best Non-Violent Communication skills, told your Difficult Person how you feel when they say________, asked for what you need from them instead…and nothing changes, then you have a pattern of relating on your hands. Your No, Thank you might then take a different form.

It may be a physical action, like leaving the room. Or it might be a considered decision to end the relationship, or to find another job (if you’re dealing with an intractable boss), or to set clear boundaries on how and when you’ll engage with your parents or your spouse or your friend.

You decide what gifts you’ll accept, and which ones you’ll leave on the table.

If your Difficult Person hasn’t been listening to your attempts at clear communication, then their reaction to your No may well be “Huh?”.

Their reaction is not your responsibility.

Your responsibility is to make your choice consciously, in a way that’s consistent with your values and your heart. You can say No to the gift, while still holding the giver of it in love and compassion.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … What happens to a gift you refuse to accept? =-.

I was riding the disability van yesterday with a driver who outwardly is friendly talkative, but who sucks energy like almost no one I know.

I was doing all the “right” things to take care of myself and appreciate his kindness, but still I felt trapped.

I thought about saying, “I’m really enjoying your conversation but I need to be quiet right now.” I was on my way to the hospital for tests & I could have easily made it about that.

I made the decision to just stop playing, to disengage completely. And, unusual for me, *not to explain myself* !

I’m not sure if he received any gift in that. But I certainly did.
.-= Mahala´s last post … Pema Chodron, Skillful Answers to Disgraceful Questions =-.