The With-ness of We
This is a confession. And an exploration.
It’s been more than a month since I wrote a blog post. First, it was my 60th birthday, and then I went away on retreat, and somehow, I found my feet on a winding path in a parallel life in which there was a blessed absence of deadlines and to-do lists–the kind of silent spaciousness I hadn’t known I’d missed until the horizons opened and melted into an infinite sky.
I treasure the friendships I’ve made online. I love sharing my heart in this strangely intimate, utterly public space. I’m enriched, enlivened, provoked, delighted and enlightened by your comments, your stories, by the experiences and ideas we share here together.
My friendships, both online and off, are food and water for my spirit. Together, we create synergies that can and do change our world, make it richer, brighter, more nourishing and beautiful.
And, without solitude, I can’t take any of it in. Being an introvert by nature, I need a rhythm of connection and seclusion, as much as I need each in-breath and out-breath.
Especially when there’s a lot going on in my life, as there is right now. I need quiet in which to feel what I’m feeling, to dream new shapes of my work and my life into being, to explore the intersection between my inner genius and the needs of my world so I’ll know how to serve, what I’m being called to partner with now.
As in any dance, timing is everything. Stepping forward when the music calls. Gliding into retreat in the adagio.
How about you? How do you nurture your own inner rhythm of connection, of solitude? How do you step into this dance of the With-ness of We?
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I love this post, Hiro. While I know I’m never alone in whatever I’m experiencing, it’s always nice to see someone I admire “telling” on herself, and sharing a truth with the world as a tangible testament to our not being alone.
I’ve been sitting in stillness for quite some time, knowing that something new was coming for me, and not being able to see it. There’s been a certain disquiet about this at times–my own wish to get on with it. But then a settling back in to the stillness of waiting, knowing it would show up when it was ready.
And now it’s shown up–THEY have shown up (not just one, but TWO big things!), and there’s much to do, even as I continue to do the good work I do now, and love deeply. They’re both going to require me to be involved with bunches of people in different ways than I am now. They’re going to require many decisions, and lots of mental noodling and decision making. They’re going to require a lot of my heart–and my head.
In the movement from stillness to BIG unstillness is when I really get clear on how much of a reserve of time, space, love and stillness I need in order to create, work, engage those important to me, and keep myself well.
It’s good to have big thoughts and dreams and do cool things. It’s great to impact the world and serve others. I love that, all. But without the stillness…I can’t make any of it happen.
Love,
S
Stacy, I love how clearly you’ve articulated your need for a rock-bed of stillness and solitude as the foundation for your work and your life. I find as I grow into my own being-ness, I’m able to contribute more to our world through the fullness of my presence. And that bigger contribution requires a deeper foundation.
May your two new big things be nourished by an easy rhythm between engagement and solitude.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … The With-ness of We =-.
Hiro,
I’ve been in a deep introspective space lately too. It’s where I need to be at a particular stage in the design process, the work is fragile and unformed. As it shores up, it needs dialogue with other people. The flow and cycles are integral to the process.
In the introspective phase, I find it hard to blog and write newsletters. On one hand the content can be reflective, but the process of doing the writing isn’t for me. There is too much struggle to translate to the verbal. I have to give myself permission for that to be OK.
.-= Christine Martell´s last post … Getting control of email =-.
Dearest Hiro,
It must be going around! I’ve been feeling the same way for the past month or so. And yes, I’ve been traveling and I’ve also been dealing with some health issues but that’s not the whole story. I also need that time to just be with myself, my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own rhythms. I need to stare out the window and do nothing and take long luxurious baths and walks and sit in the garden listening to music or just the sound of the wind in the trees.
Thank you for articulating in such a heartfelt way that need and hunger for deep and delicious soul solitude.
I’m breathing a sigh of relief…. thank you, dear friend.
.-= chris Zydel´s last post … Ghost Ranch 2009: Bringing The Magic Of Being On Retreat Back Home =-.
Christine, your art flows from such profound inner depths that the linearity of language is necessarily excluded from its realm. I feel the same way about the healing work that I do, which speaks to me in images and symbols, in dimensions of richness that I can’t begin to articulate.
The words come later.
Chris, my friend, you’ve just returned from a retreat of your own, so I’m not surprised that your spirit claims its need for interiority.
Wishing us all deep honor for the cycles of our lives.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … The With-ness of We =-.
Love your thoughts here. I’ve been thinking LOTS about the parallels (and disconnects) between virtual and “real” relationships; between blogging and conversation/discussion/dialogue. I think that each side of the coin has much to offer the other. You are inviting even more aspects of that reality. Thank you!
.-= Ronna Detrick´s last post … Keywords Matter – but not in the way you might think. =-.
weirdly too I’ve been craving unstructured time….
I had a list of to do’s today and ended up listening to Radio 4 in bed until 4pm. I think after an intense 2 month period of working two jobs I just needed some flake out time. Recognising the cicular nature of doing/being is a hard one for me.
Oh, this is such a lovely post. As a fellow introvert, I can definitely relate and I often struggle with finding that balance between connecting and pulling back. I love it when the timing flows just right and it feels like a dance.
.-= leah´s last post … Creative Every Day Challenge Check-In: October 12 – 18 =-.
Well I am clearly out of sync here. (ha)
My ‘stillness time’ came at the end of August. The writing felt like Christine described and everything felt forced. I’d also been through some things and just needed…..quiet time. So I decided I wouldn’t blog for a couple of weeks. (And my brain shouted things at me like, “Are you kidding? All your readers will be gone!”) After a couple of days, it felt good though.
Since then, through September and October, I’ve been a ‘producing machine!’ (ha) Although now I feel like I’m making this push to ‘get through’ the production that needs to be done and then it’ll be time to ‘be out in the world’ more and on the computer less. ;-)
It does ebb and flow, doesn’t it?
By the way, glad you’re back! Glad you took the time, but you were missed at the same time. ;-)
All the best!
deb
.-= Deb Owen´s last post … where does possibility dwell? =-.
Thanks for the beautiful permission in this. I’ve been writing only sporadically all summer and it doesn’t look to be changing soon.
Being with my dad as he struggles to accept and understand his terminal status requires a lot of space for me. What writing I’ve done has been extremely helpful, but it’s been mostly for myself. Being public just takes too much energy (and I hadn’t realized that until reading Christine’s comment).
.-= Lynne Tolk´s last post … Ever Integrating =-.
It is a dance for me too. I need and crave a certain amount of solitude which the extroverts around me have a hard time understanding sometimes.
The deep inner silence and stillness is something that sustains and nourishes me. I’m learning more and more how much I need this time–to create, to care deeply for my inner life, to rest, and also to connect.
.-= Julie Stuart´s last post … Got a business plan that makes you smile? =-.
Hello Hiro!
It’s so great to see your post today and the subject matter really rings true with me too.
Over the past year and a half or so, as I’ve been going through one major transformation after another, I noticed (sometimes far too late) that I was lacking the solitude time my soul needs.
You were one of the amazing people in my life that helped me to so clearly identify that I had almost lost my sense of needing time for ME.
There is definitely a sensation I get within when I’ve spent too much time around computers, which are for me, both a tool within my work and a way of connecting to those in my life that mean so much to me.
I work each week and even each day to find the balance. Sometimes I just have to let everything else fall by the wayside and go take time for myself.
I am inspired by your post and look forward to hearing more as you do the dance too!
Love,
Jess :)
.-= Jessica Reagan Salzman´s last post … Meditative Writing: Stepping into You =-.
Thanks for the reminder that I’m not the only one who goes through this. It is certainly a delicate balance between engagement with others and self-refueling. There seems to be an irregular rhythm to this dance for me, and I would like to learn to be more intentional about it, instead of reactive.
.-= Tracy´s last post … Reflection: Stitching Meditation =-.
I have never read such a beautiful articulation of such a fundamental need. Thank you for giving others permission – through such beautiful language – to enjoy solitude, and in fact, flourish from it.
.-= Kamna Narain´s last post … 5 Ways to Workout On A Work Day =-.
This post really speaks to me.
I’ve barely started learning about how strongly I need times of introspection and seclusion.
It’s a slow process of learning to accept that I function better when I give myself what I need – and that needing seclusion does not mean I’m defective.
Just this week I’ve been feeling a growing pressure to hurry up and write a blog post.
The ideas are there, but they’re just not ready to be written out.
At times like this, I can see how much I’ve grown. Now, although the frustration is there, it’s not so intense, and I’m certainly not devolving into tantrum mode over it.
So grateful to be learning my own rhythms, at last.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … When Selves Collide =-.
Me too. Finally, today I realized I felt like reading a few blogs. Which just happened to be the day you wrote about not feeling like writing. Which I still don’t feel like doing just yet, at least not publicly. Too much is happening!
I love that you are so open–even when you’re writing about, in a way, not being so open.
Your work has inspired so many epiphanies for me. (The last one being just yesterday afternoon!)
Thank you for modeling this & writing this!
I’ve struggled with the need for enough quiet time my entire life. It seems to go against the grain of what is expected of me, but if I don’t take the time to sit with myself I get to a place where I can’t do anything at all.
In a world where one is supposed to be ‘productive’ as in producing something with monetary value at all times, taking time to reflect, recharge or for solitude is construed at laziness.
Yet honoring my need for solitude is essential to creativity and anything like balance in my life.
Thank you for writing such a lovely post to remind me of that.
.-= Elly´s last post … Memoir as process: Self reflection =-.
How beautifully you describe the rhythm of connection and seclusion! When I don’t heed those cues–don’t pay attention to the timing of the dance–I get exhausted and out of sorts. It happens not just when I neglect my need to retreat, but also when I hold back when it’s time to step forward. The rhythms can vary within a single day, as well as over a series of weeks or months. Thank you for your invitation to be more attentive to these cues!
Hi Hiro
Oh I can relate….we are introverts in an extrovered world.
Literally, introverts make up a significantly smaller part of the population. So the world around us is pretty much designed by extroverts, for extroverts.
*sigh*
How I deal with this (some days better than others)
I acknowledge that I get my energy from solitude and/or meaningful 1:1 connections.
The day begins and ends with time in silence. Listening within. I try and go back to that inward place throughout the day — that’s my point of connection.
The internet helps. I can be “out there” and am learning it’s not so scary.
Mostly, I “meeting” amazing, like minded kindreds online.
Seems introverts like to blog a lot!
Maybe we’ve found our place to be with others.
As an introvert though, I can get too hermity and weird if I don’t get out and mingle in the world. This takes effort. I’ve spent months at a time alone. I like it. But it can get isolating.
Since we are not living in a very introvert-conscious society in North America, I guess we have to work a bit to find out how to be in the world in ways that support us.
I’m glad I found you and your blog!
.-= Lisa Sonora Beam´s last post … RE: Grow Your Biz with these Rock Stars =-.
Dear Hiro
It’s always inspiring to read your musings, here or elsewhere.
I can relate to this – however, what I need is not solitude, but rest. I like being around people, but at the moment I don’t have a chance to recharge. I am drained.
This has inspired me to look deeper into my need, and maybe, for once, attend to it.
Much love
Tatty
.-= TattyFraney´s last post … Moving meditation – sword dance =-.
I love the topic and loved hearing how you so eloquently expressed your need for solitude.
I find that when I need to go out and do the “community” things, which can be very rewarding, I need to renew my spirit and recharge. And I can only do that with quiet time.
Sometimes it gets so noisy, even when no one is speaking.
I live on this tiny island in Puget Sound for a reason. I can commune with the animals and that feeds my soul. I can write and look down at the lake and that brings me peace.
Thank you for this introspective post, Hiro.
P.S. I hit the “unsubscribe” button today, but only because I wanted to sign up with a special email address so your posts don’t get lost in all my crazy business email. (Didn’t want you to think that I was leaving!)
I am struggling with doing the dance with a new partner. The introvert in me needs more quiet, more solitude; but the person he is, needs more connection.
Thanks for this post – it was beautifully written.
.-= Bullwinkle´s last post … Yay! So many things to be happy about !!! =-.
Raising my hand and joining the “there seems to be a lot of this going around” community.
Such a lovely post, Hiro. What rhythms are you finding to step in and out of the dance?
.-= Mahala´s last post … Meditation, Illumination and Plato’s Cave =-.