My biggest shift came with my children, when at first I had the “Troll Trenchcoat” on- BIG TIME. You saw me wearing metal cufflinks hunched over like an old woman. I could not tell that I was at my son’s beck and call – EMOTIONALLY. He was a needy child and in my history, I was always doing for others, especially my parents who always leaned on me too much. (and still do when I let them!) So I was a set-up for the responsibility Troll.

But after the birth of my daughter, who gives back hugs and smiles with abandon, and has a million dollar smile to give to you, I was able to switch to the feeling state of responsibility as a mom, and out of love for her. For me, that means that I do it because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to. It also means I let others do for her also, without feeling guilty. The saying “it takes a village”, well that’s been helpful. For example, if she is up at night because she’s sick, instead of the usual “here we go, mama doesn’t get sleep…”, I think “here’s my lovely daughter who one day will be a teenager and never want to be home, so let me ‘enjoy’ this now”…and I get up and hug her, and care for her. Then it’s from the angels and I feel loved from her during the experience too. And instead of having to be the one to take her to the doctor, my husband does it. It helps unload the tasks and the feeling that it has to be me, and it’s on my shoulders. The other thing I do, with my family, is surrounding dinner time. The “Trenchcoat” would have me fixing a nice dinner every night after coming home from a day of work, because I have to, or because it’s a “role”, or because I want the admiration. Yuck!!!! Now I see if it “feels” like I have enough energy to do it, and if I do, it’s “FOR FUN AND FOR FREE”, not because I have to, but because I am enjoying the joy of cooking and preparing food, and I have enough leftover energy, after working, caring for kids, myself, to DO it.

Love your words, and big hugs!!!

lisa

I am learning to let go of the sensation that if I don’t feel and care and worry, the world will fall apart without me (’cause I’ve done such a great job of holding the world together — ha!).

I am endeavoring to fly on the wings of the Responsibility Angel. Thank you for your beautiful reminder.

I think that my mean troll appears when I’m doing all that ’should’ing’ and ‘ought-ing,’ telling myself those old stories of who I should be.

But when I notice that and allow myself to let go of those sorts of narratives, that makes space for so much more lightness and freedom. That’s when I notice or discover who I feel myself to be and my felt sense of what is the right fit for me in that moment. That’s when I can hold things lightly, rather than driving or pushing myself towards goals and outcomes. And the funny thing is that, when I do that, all sorts of things become more possible.

I think it was Abraham Maslow who said, ‘If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything becomes a nail.’Your angel is the antidote to the hammer!

I’ve never gone beyond seeing the Responsibility Troll, never even held the notion of a Responsibility Angel or anything like it.

I think I’m a responsible person but Responsibility has always been a tiring/draining concept.

I felt a softening in my body as I was reading and look forward to getting to know my Responsibility Angel.

Many thanks,

Thanks so much for these insights and giving this context. So often I think of the troll side and forget about the angel.

I feel the troll as tightness, scarcity and urgency.

The angel is flow, trust, sharing and opening — like a tight fist releasing.

Let the troll angel do her salute!
xo
Michelle´s last post … Dork Dancing, Check!

When the troll visits, I feel a heavy burden that triggers lots of resentment.

But it’s actually through starting and growing my business that I’m starting to recognize the difference between the Troll and the Angel.

Before my business, I really only knew the Troll. But perhaps because I set out to make my business satisfying and enjoyable, I think I’ve been starting to interact with the Angel, even if I wasn’t conscious of it.

Thank you for putting words to the differences, so that I can start noticing who’s visiting. :)
Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Four No-Brainer Questions (and the Unveiling)

Thanks for this.

Wonderful as always.

Leila
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